I am always depressed. I seem to have the worst luck with everything. Currently I am trying to support my two child alone, working part time. I do not have a sitter so I can work full time. My ex (the father of my son) has left us...we are currently talking but I feel we are getting no where, and I fear we cannot survive without him. The father of my daughter is a psycho loser. He use to physically abuse me and has only gotten worse with his following girlfriends. He makes me fear for my life. I am constantly watching my back. I feel like he is watching my every move and will be there to get me when I turn around. At night, I think of escape plans...like if he somehow got into my house. I think of ways to get at least my children out safely. Anyway I always start therapy or new meds and never seem to follow through on them. Once I go to therapy and start feeling better I quit. Once I take meds and things start to go my way I quit. I'm a type of person who wants real happieness and feel it's not the same when I have to go cry to someone every week and take pills so I can function. What the hell is wrong with me? How do I keep myself going on the right path? How will I know when I'm on the right path? If I'm on pills for depression and anxiety, when I'm happy...am I really happy?
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