I feel like I cant do this anymore but I have no where to turn. I have no self control or understanding left all I can hear is my mind screaming at me 'I want to die'. I just dont want to feel anymore. I hate myself and my life and I wished I had the courage to end it all because thats all I want right now... not to feel anything. I feel so lost, I wished I understood what was happening to me. How am I supposed to cope with these feelings? What is wrong with me? I thought I was moving forward but this is the worst i have ever been. Im dying inside and all that is left is this shitty empty shell. i want to feel my heart again.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??