so, my new years... started off yesterday as a terrible day. had fought with one of my good friends the night before, upset all day, had to work till 11:30. didn't get home till 20 min before the countdown but my p's had a bunch of their friends and neigbors over, so it was all good. i really love these ladies, their husbands suck for the most part, but i haven't seen so many of them in so long. ages ranged from me (21) to my p's (amlost 50) and everywhere between, so it was nice to have people who are adult but still like to party, whatever. so good seeing them. anyway, they all leave soon after that cause they'd been partying all night. call up the buddy i was fighting with, his friend cause he'd invited me over earlier. i get there and who's there but rudy. didn't even wanna look at him. he's got some girl up on his shit on the couch but i knew plenty of other people so i'm just talking to him. he gets up, comes over and gives me a hug. i gave in. "i'm sorry, girl, i love the shit outta you" "yeah, well i hate loving you and i love to hate you". reaches into his pocket "open your mouth" "whats that?" "i know you're afraid to roll but i'm offering this to you. i wanna make ammends, i want you to feel good cause i know i made you cry." so i did. ecstacy. amazing. was already rollin, sniffed another 2/3 of one and bobby comes up and pops another in my mouth a little later. rudy and drew kept laughing cause as soon as it hit me hard, i'm laying there on the couch, cuddled up on top of all these blankets, my head in rud's lap and he's playing with my hair. all of a sudden all i could think, all i could say was "oh my god... oh my god." i know drugs are no solution, i know i'd never push them or encourage them, but my god... everything felt so good. went home with rudy, didn't even have any interest in sleeping with him. just layed there on his flannel sheets, touching them, loving how my bare feet felt against the wall, ended up with my shirt off (yeah, know it sounds trashy but it was just rudy, he's one of my best friends, been there, done that, no big deal anymore), just loving how my hair felt down my back, he tossed me a new zip up of his, "put that on your chest, you'll love it". it was so soft. watching him dance (i know, sounds gay, but he's an AMAZING dancer)... staring at the reflection of the light on the ceiling. everything felt so good. even at bobby's, he comes outta another room at looks at me. "hey, sweetheart. where's my good hug?" and even just hugging someone. felt so good. just any human contact, any contact with anything. got a lecture from rudy this morning "girl, you ate almost three rolls and that was your first time. you shouldn't have eaten that many" but i could do that forever, i could feel that forever. i wouldn't cause i've been an addict, i know how it goes, but oh my god... amazing. perfect.
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