Therapist said perhaps some people just know how to push themselves more. They may be depressed and have other stresses; but they are able to get up in the morning, go to their jobs, carry on with the business of living, and deal life's issues as they come. I tend to shut down and shut out. I guess the issue is whether or not I am lazy or/and not motiviated enough. A job stressed me out so bad one time, I slept on the beach for 3 days. Other times, I have sat on the bathroom floor and bawl like a baby. During my teens and early 20's, I was extremely suicidal and could not see how to function through the next day. When I realize I could not commit suicide, I had to literally figure out how to live. Granted, I am not doing such a hot job of living life. Question: Am I not motivated enough? Am I lazy? I do go through periods of time that I am extremely exhausted and literally pray to die--this is when I want to particularly die.
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As the title of this journal entry says, "I am African-American and not proud of it." I would first like to say that I am sorry to offend anyone by saying that, as it is not my intention. I would also like to apologize to any of you who have messaged me and not known this about me. It scares me each time someone messages me on here, because I am afraid that once you find out that I am black, the...
For a few months now, I have been hearing voices and it just keeps getting worse. At first it started as whispers that I couldn't understand. Then it went to my name and the word hello being whispered. Last night was the worst it had ever been. The voices were extremely loud and were telling me that nobody cared about me and that I should just kill myself so I can stop being a waste of space. It...