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Am I evil?

deleted_user
deleted_user
I have a step daughter, and she annoys me! I have talked to her explaining about her dad's health and still does not seem to care that her father is dying! She doesn't call him (even when he was hospitalized), she only comes to see him one weekend a month. She is supposed to come for a week each month in the summer, but always manages to throw a tantrum and go home early. She is sixteen, so it's not like she doesn't understand what is going on. Then to top it all off, one of her friends came to visit while she was here and told me that AJ cries all the time cause her dad is sick. How fake is that? If she is so sad and worried about her dad, why doesn't she try to spend as much time as she can with him? She even refused to go with us on vacation because her friends birthday party was that weekend. I try so hard to be super nice to her when she is here thinking that if she gets her way all the time she will come more often and see her dad. I don't know what else to do...am I just an evil stepmother???
deleted_user
deleted_user
she doesn't come and she leaves early because she doesn't know/want to deal with this... She's scared and thinks if she's not there it won't happen. Instead of pushing her away, you should be pulling her closer.... try to see it from her eyes....
deleted_user
deleted_user
maybe she doesn't see him because it upsets her?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Your not evil,16 year olds are all the same. They just care about themselves and there friends. It will get better when she gets older.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Elcapitain has a point when I was younger and my Dad got sick I would stay away because at that age seeing your parents fragile and like you might lose them is really really scary shes probably just not coping with it and maybe if the two of you arent close she might not be able to confide in you, try to give her some time or try talking to her, and no your not evil.
deleted_user
deleted_user
No, we are close...that's why I am the one who talked to her about her dad. I try really really hard to make her happy like inviting her friends here when she's here. She just acts like such a brat all the time! *sigh* I don't know what to do, but it's tearing my husband apart that she doesn't want to come.
deleted_user
deleted_user
SOunds to me like she is just very scared and doesnt know how to handle this at all. You are not an evil step mother, she's just being a teenager!! Dont give up yet though, you may break through, maybe you could ask her friends for some help on this?
ZAZAS
ZAZAS
16, shoot they can seem like such selfish people. haha, I was never that way. Having an ill parent brings about all kind of emotions, anger, sadness, fear...........just try to let her know that the door is always open.
deleted_user
deleted_user
bump
deleted_user
deleted_user
i don't think you're evil, but i think you are too concerned with something that isn't really your place to be concerned about
deleted_user
deleted_user
with regards to your stepdaughter.........
when my mum had cancer, i was 11,12,13,14 and nearly 15. for the most part, i was kind, loving, caring and looked after her. but sometimes i just couldnt deal with it - i thought if i went owt partying with my friends and avoided conversations abowt my mum then it wasnt really happening. at these parties however, usually i couldnt stop thinking abowt my mum and i cried alot. after a while i just realised how stupid i was being, and tried not to avoid the ill issue. im thinking ur stepdaughter might be kinda like me - thinking if she distances herself and doesnt think abowt it then it wont hurt.x x
deleted_user
deleted_user
i think that is exactly what it is. she is prolly terrified and hurting and has no idea how to tell anyone. and if she isn't around him and isn't as close when something happens she prolly thinks it will hurt less. keep trying to draw her closer and be patient with her. it is a rough age and a rough thing to handle then too.....give her time and keep trying.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well I can definitely talk about this. My mother found out she had terminal cancer when I was 16. I cried alot, but then I just shut down. I avoided her. Now that I looked back I feel soo horrible about it. But I think she understood. My suggestion to you is that you have your husband write her a letter telling her how much he loves her. I bet shes terrified. I know I had no real idea what was happening I knew she was dying but I didnt think she really would. I dont know if that makes sense. When she did die it totally shocked me. I think at that age you are still too young to grasp the entirety of a situation like death. I hope I helped a little. No your not evil, just frusterated.
deleted_user
deleted_user
thank you to everyone that posted. it really is helping me put things in perspective...I will talk to my hubby about the letter thing. Maybe that will help.
deleted_user
deleted_user
your not evil
deleted_user
deleted_user
Maybe she just doesn't know how to cope with the fact that her father is dying and by shoving him away it makes it easier for her to deny it......who knows, teens are complex at the best of times.
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