ive been talking with a girl for awhile that lives near me. things are nice, but i still feel like i could do better. cutting ties comes easy for me, and i have a hard time making decisions. to avoid trouble i normally just put space between me and whatever im considering to be my problem. i could try and continue, but i dont really care for her. seems like no matter what i start, i always want to end it alone. yet i hate being alone so much. i just wish i could get that satisfied feeling, that things were even and fair. that it was meant to be. almost like love at first site. i figure, that im pretty sure, that im going to end this somehow. i can avoid suicide itself, but not the life style of feeling like if i needed or wanted to take my life, that i could and should. i just always seem to find a way to end things, and put myself in a situation where i have nothing left to lose.
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