I've been staying with my Mom since the beginning of September. My electric is out at home. My husband is in jail thanks to his ex-wife filing false charges against him. He doesn't go before a judge until the middle of next month, meaning he'll miss our daughter's birthdays on the 5th and the 12th of next month (the girls will be 2 and 3 respectively). My Mom is in the hospital awaiting a biopsy on Monday. She beat a form of abdominal cancer (she hasn't told me exactly what) that was discovered 4 years ago about the same time I first moved out of her house. Now, she thought she had pneumonia or something, but was told yesterday that she has lung cancer that may already be spread to her liver and spleen. After the biopsy on Monday, the doctors will know if they are releasing her on a cancer treatment or if they are releasing her on Morphine. She can hardly breath if she tries to so much as walk to the bathroom and back to bed in the hospital room. She won't allow me to tell anyone that she knows or lives near what is going on. She won't allow me to tell my husband's family what is going on. She doesn't even want me to write to my husband and tell him what is going on! Which means I have to stay a recluse at her house (it's not hard overall as my girls don't have any friends here anyway). But it's hard on me not having anyone I can talk to. She keeps calling me from the hospital, but she doesn't have anything to say and by me only being in the house all the time with no TV on (the kids are watching their videos all day) and no one that I can be in contact with because the people around here (Mom has made it very clear) are HER friends - not mine, therefore I'm not allowed to speak to them about anything going on without express permission from her and then only what information SHE has determined they should know. I have no one to turn to. I so desperately want to have my husband home and for him to put his arms around me and tell me we'll get through this. I'm looking at losing our home, which means when he gets out of jail, I won't be able to have kept a home for him to come home to. Instead, I have no choice than to keep everything all bottled up, which is causing me not to sleep and get even less patient. Then my girls are so confused by their father not being home, not being at home, and then "Gamma" not being at her home but we are - they are doing nothing but screaming all the time and not sleeping themselves, which all the screaming is just making it harder for me not to scream at them. I have no one else that can watch them (I don't trust his family and don't have the bus fare to get to them anyway. I have no other family other than my Mother and my daughters). I feel like I'm losing my mind and there's not a single person I can turn to in order to try and find any sanity in all this!!!
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