Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I just moved to NY from Maine with my husband and 15 month old son, so my husband could be closer to his family so he could be happier and also so he could go to School fully funded by the Military. He has been deployed for a year, just came back in December, but now he does not want to go to school. So I just moved myself and my son away from MY fultime job and family for him to do nothing. we have been having problems for a few years now... mainly because of me catching him lieing, and him being so stone like, he never shows his feelings... he will NOT talk to ME about if he is upset or if something others him, yet he will run to his sister and tell her everything? Im sorry but I am married to HIM not his sister.. I shouldnt have to talk to her about our problems and she shouldnt have to convince him to try to talk to me to work it out, he should already WANT to work it out. O, I am also 13 weeks pregnant... which my husband was not so thrilled about at first.... He's getting used to it now. I am not for abortion but I do NOT judge people who are.
I know Im depressed, but the medication i was on I cant take while im pregnant, its too high of a dose and has too many risks for the baby. I KNOW I get very irratiional about some things but I will certainly admit when I am wrong and if I am overreacting.... Im new to this and Im sorry if my First blog isnt very pleasant lol but I need a place to vent and advice.... please be very honest :)
I know Im depressed, but the medication i was on I cant take while im pregnant, its too high of a dose and has too many risks for the baby. I KNOW I get very irratiional about some things but I will certainly admit when I am wrong and if I am overreacting.... Im new to this and Im sorry if my First blog isnt very pleasant lol but I need a place to vent and advice.... please be very honest :)
-
over the last couple of days ive been being told that a physcologist and doctor is the only way for me to heal and help myself, which at first didnt affect me as much but now i seriously am having a panic attack and have absolutley no hope for myself that i am going to heal, i cant see myself healing or being happy and i cant imagine my life getting any better, it truly really feels like it is...
-
My sister is in an abusive relationship with a cheater and overall emotionally abusive guy, I have read her text messages with him and he's cheated multiple times and literally takes no accountability and does not know how to apologize properly without putting the blame on her and being manipulative and I really just don't get why she's still staying in the relationship and i don't know how to...
This is not going to be easy for me to say .. I am a military combat veteran .. and the first thing that came to mind was combat related PTSD .. though I don't know how much 'combat' your husband experienced. I am 100% disabled from combat related PTSD. As such, I have tremendous sympathy for the welfare of our veterans . particularly those returning from Afghanistan or Iraq.
Sooo .. I say .. poor guy .. head is all screwed up from war ... which may be the case ... or not. I don't know.
If he isn't suffering combat related PTSD, there is another "syndrome' that happens to guys (and women) that people don't realize.
When you are in a war zone .. it is a totally different world. First of all, you see yourself as a killer .. and so does everyone else. EVERYONE is a killer in a war zone. You are in a foreign land .. and a lot of people are afraid of you ... they better be. You carry a weapon just as religiously as you carry a wallet. You have a lot of power as a military fighter .. and you feel it while you are there. It is a daily 'effect' on you.
You also may have a huge responsibility .. whether it be for a multimillion-dollar assault helicopter or a supply truck .. you have a huge responsibility .. even feeding a company of other soldiers. You are a major role player .. no matter what you 'do' as a 'job' in the military .. especially in a combat zone. Then .. . one day you go home .. it is about a 10-hour trip .. from one world back to another.
Booom ... over night .. you are back home. The newspaper is tossed on your front lawn .. nightime is a time of rest for everyone, the biggest problem for most in the morning is rush-hour traffic on the way to work. In about a week .. you are about to jump out of your skin. Seeing all around you .. and seeing everyone's 'problems', you compare it all to overseas. It becomes disgusting to you .. this goddam place doesn't know how good it is here.
You start to yearn for something that means something .. like being back 'over there' did. You look at this .. and you look at that .. and oddly enough .. that looks better to you than this. Every moment 'over there' had much more meaning than a full week does at home. You simply can't be 'moved' by being home. It is something you just cannot relate to. Nothing you know and are conditioned for applies here. There is no place for you here. Over there .. you were a tooth in a gear that made everything work. Here .. not so .. just another sheep.
"What do you want to do? .. Go to college? Get a good job? Be family man and a Father?"
"Uh .. what I really want to do is hug my automatic rifle and be ready to kill someone."
This is what happens to a lot of guys who were in a war zone. He cannot get his feet on the ground here. He is at a party where he doesn't know anyone ... and no one knows him. He is not comfortable here. The 'control' he had 'over there' is something he cannot lose that suddenly.
Soooo. none of this helps you with your situation. You are not going to like this .. but I think you need to take yourself and your 15 month-old son back to Maine.
>>closer to his family so he could be happier and also so he could go to School
I do not think that is why he is 'unhappy'. That is why it did not work. You have a big, big problem .. because you cannot give him what he wants. He wants to go back to what he knows .. and here is no place for that. It is an absolute travesty how we take these people out of one world and drop them into another . and expect them to hit the ground running.
Leave your husband? No .. he is welcome to come back to Maine with you. Problem is .. he doesn't want that either ... really .. not right now. What he wants .. cannot be had .. unless he re-enlists and gets back over ... where he has some power.
You see .. you did not do this to him. You are not responsible for what has happened. War does this to people. You are not responsible for his being unhappy. You are not responsible for fixing this .. you did not do it. You and your child are victims of a war. The war did it. You are going to spend MONTHS trying to make him happy .. and it won't do it. You can't. Neither can his parents.
Only he can fix this .. and it may take a VERY long time .. if at all. You need to gently explain to him that how it is, is not satisfactory to you .. and if the 'flame is out', then you are going back to Maine.
This is not going to turn his lights on .. and fix everything .. but it will save you a hell of a lot of time battling some kind of 'thing' that you don't even know what it is .. and assuming this and assuming that .. and getting nowhere .. and it is getting worse by the minute.
There is NO WAY he is the same person he was before deploying .. and that is the problem. It is a tragedy .. and it has been happening to wives for hundreds of years .. or more.
I am sorry .. but I am trying to save you a lot of time and tears.
I could also be dead wrong about your husband .. I don't know anything about either one of you ... I am just telling you what I 'know'.
It happened to me .. and I did not get my 'gear' engaged for decades. It cost me everything .. everything I ever gained .. I lost .. until I finally figured out what the problem was. What you posted .. reminded me of me .. just thank God no children were involved.
I came home from Viet Nam and within 9 months .. was back as a civilian. The day I was to come home the second time .. I roamed Saigon trying to find a way to stay there. See? Anything that gave me a bad time there, .. all I had to do was kill it. Home ... ??? No thanks .. not after what I have learned/developed/seen/felt/lived by. I don't fit in there. 40+ years later .. I fit in here .. but I spent all that time just trying to.
Like I said .. I may be way off the mark where you are concerned ... It may .. or may not apply to you, .. but it is something to consider, .. I think.