Hi For a while no i've had depresion. i don't think it's TOO bad but i still feel horrible at times. I was bullied for a long time at home and at school. it all really starts at kindergarden believe it or not. the two girls i hung out with at first didn't want to hang around me (they told me this years later)(I'm still friends with them now and we're 18 years old.) Anyway one of them(we'll call her kate) would always favor the other girl and i was always the second wheel. everything she did and was was better then me. and i said nothing about it just tried to be "better" so i would be accepted. At home my parents would constantly fight as they do now. my dad would beat on me if i was bad and i remember him pushing my mom or something like that. my dad is a verry angery person. i at times get a long with him but more then half of the time we don't. I rarely talk to him now and feel in a way liberated when he's not home (i know that aounds awful) but we are two completely different people. I hate it when my parents fight And i've told them that i hate it and the it makes me feel depressed. at one point i told them i was thinking of suiside (of course i wouldn't do it.) they talked to me but it was in an argument. they don't listen to me. it's mostly dad. his way is the absolute right way. So yeah at times i feel like "why am i here? no one likes me, it would be better if was never here." i even feel this way randomly. Also I have a loving bf, he's the best and sometimes i can be mean to him i don't mean to but somethings he does changed my mood. I'm getting better. after comming back from my vacation I've been a lot better, he's told me this. but sometimes i feel bad like i should be doing everything i can to make him happy because he's so great. as if i'm nothing compared to him. Ahhh so much crap going on in my head. And a real big problem is i keep thinking about death and what will happen to me when I die and about cancer and dezises. I hate all this i just want it all to go away so i can be happy. help!>.
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