Whenever the clouds block the sun like this it tends to get me down... and it's seeming to not only be the weather lately... I think my current situation has really taken a toll on me. I'm a new mom to an amazing 9.5 month old (napping at the moment), but the adjustment has been extremely difficult, especially considering my husband has Asperger's and spends more time playing WoW than helping contribute to his daughter's well-being. I feel she and I are so neglected by him, I've pointed this out to him in the most non-attacking manners I can think of, and I TRY to be understanding of his disorder but it's difficult when I feel my emotional needs are practically never being met... Becoming a mom has been a time where I've needed more emotional support than ever. I didn't know he had Asperger's when he and I first met... I thought maybe he was just shy and contributed his lack of social knowledge to his inexperience in relationships, but he really turns out to have a social/emotional disability... Discouraging. I currently am not working, have no one to help with my daughter frequently because my friends and family live far away or lead too busy of lives (aside from my paranoid personality bipolar mother who is extremely difficult to deal with), COULD live at my dads but my cat allergies are so severe living up there is unbearable, and now my husband just lost his job... So, I'm stressing about when he'll find a new one and figuring out a new budget plan for this coming month. A lot of the time I feel like I'm in this for financial and environmental comfort reasons only... I used to be crazy about him, but there's been do much disrespect and hurt that my feelings have practically vanished. I've talked to him about being friends "if" we get divorced and he for some reason sees me wanting to get divorced as "screwing him over" not me needing to improve myself. I don't like where I'm at in life right now... I want to drop the last of the pregnancy pounds, become more social, feel like I have more of a purpose in life than being "just a mom." Soon, I'll be going back to school to finish up my degree Social & Human Services, as well as Chemical Dependency Counseling, but I really need to get my sh*t together before I can help others! I guess that'll be a starter... :P
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