I spent most of last night in the ER. It was not because of anything I did to myself, it was because I had the worse migraine headache of my life and nothing was making it go away. Nothing I tried worked and I ended up being taken to the ER by orders of the nurse at our university health center. I was there until the early hours of the morning with my roommate who stayed with me trying to be as supportive as possible. The doctor on campus blamed my migraine on stress. So I basically feel like Ive caused this all myself, like its my fault that Im so incredibly sick and its lasted for two days now. Im feeling a little better tonight but now an entire other aspect has set in. I feel like I cant take care of myself in the way that I need to take care of myself right. I cant even keep my stress down low enough that I dont get the migraines. Its enough to make me crazy because I am internalizing so much anger right now that I dont know what to do. Its all bottled up inside and Ill be lucky if I see my counselor in the next two weeks because I can only see her on Mondays because of my schedule and we have no classes next Monday b/c of Labor day. Its frustrating to me because I really just want to be able to feel better but I dont think the physical aspect of everything is going to go away without me actually breaking down and spilling my guts to the right person so I can maybe be on some form of medication until I can get this under control. I feel stupid that I did not say anything last night but it was partially b/c I was there in the ER with my roommate and I did not want to tell the doctor that I think this all happened because Im so emotionally overwhelmed and Ive been thinking a lot about some bad things just because Im running out of ways to cope in a healthy manner. I guess Im just afraid of whats going to happen next now that my body is starting to react in ways in never has before being under this much stress.
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