i'm feeling really suicidal today. i was just given a job at a grocery store and the whole time i was working i was having back to back panic attacks. i felt like i was in two different dimensions and i was sweating perfusely. i felt like i was going to die. my life was flashing before my eyes. no one understands me but people who suffer from anxiety disorder. there were so many people around looking at me as though they were saying in their mind "what the hell is wrong with her!" i walked off the job and never went back bacause of that fear of being surrounded by so many people. on my previous job though, i worked just fine with people because it was a gas station and there weren't so many people around to make me feel like the walls were closing in on me. also i am completely deaf in my right ear and when i don't hear people when they are talking to me they take that as me being rude, when in fact i honestly didn't mean any harm. just couldn't hear. because of my disorder i feel like the dumbest person on earth and everyone's laughing at me at the grocery store because i just walked out. but if they could only know how hard it was for me to admit defeat they would understand. i have a lot of heart but so many problems. what should i do?
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For those of you that reached out to me today I want to say thank you. Your encouragement calmed my heart. I took a nap and I'm feeling a little bit better. I'm still struggling, but being able to let it out here is so comforting that someone is actually listening and cares! Thanks again!!