Today is the 3rd anniversary of my Mother's death, I am no kid (41) and she was 81 when she passed away. She wasn't healthy for a long long time had parkinson's disease, dementia and very very bad osteoporosis to the point if you hugged her you could break her. Still it is a very hard day for me. I miss her so much, I took care of her for a few years before my brother gave me one months notice that he was putting her into a care home. My family doesn't get a long and we no longer speak- it's been three years and still he hasn't done her will. I want and need closure to move on, and the reality is that yes I desperately need what money she left to me. He does not, lives in a huge house on 40 acres with a swimming pool. He is much older than me 63, his life is his and mine is mine. Things have been so hard lately, stuff with my son at school. He is ADHD 6.5 years old and I was told last week he couldn't go on the field trip in case he didn't behave. I got this news at 4pm the day before the trip and had no time to rearrange things so he missed a day of school and came to work with me. He was great about it, but I was cleaning apartments and really it's a health and safety issue. I couldn't afford to not do them and finding and paying a sitter on short notice is impossible. My other huge problem is the guy that I was seeing- he wants to be best friends and that is so hard on me. For a few days I am fine then I am hurt and angry again when I think of him going out with other people. He has messed up his life very badly and it looks like he is taking me down with him. It's a long story but the end is that there is a very very good chance I will end up losing my car over this, that on top of money that he owes me. I know the money isn't coming back, things have gotten too out of control for him right now, many many bad things have happened to him in the past 8 months. Personally I am thinking it is Karma kicking his ass, but why is it kicking mine as well? (Something maybe I need to think about I guess). I am really freaking out about my car, it is huge to me. I haven't had it for 14 days now, yesterday it was -45 with the windchill. I really needed to go out to refill my son's medication. I also need to get things for my other son's birthday that is on Friday. I am so mad at myself because I am just as responsible for this mess, I should have known better than to help my "friend" out. I hate myself for the fact that my kids end up being disappointed because of my mistakes. Now I have to suck it up, put this mess aside and put on the happy face and do all that I can to make a good birthday for my son. I didn't plan a party as we are in an apartment and all the party places are too expensive, I was planning a fun family weekend- take my boys to play mini golf, and to a games place, eat where ever he wanted to go and hopefully find a good movie that we could go see. Now with out a car I am afraid that none of that will happen. I am so damn stupid for letting this happen. I am so upset I can't seem to calm down, my stomach is a mess too. Sorry this is so long, just too much happening in my head right now.
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