Hi everyone! I have suffered from depression, general and social anxiety, and self-injury since I was 12 years old. I am now a driven 23 year old college student who does not plan to be hindered by any of the aforementioned struggles. General and social anxiety have made college life very challenging on an every day basis, but I have done my best not to let them stop me from doing what I want and need to do. Depression has recently become a big part of my life again, and I am having trouble handling it. I used to be dependent on self-injury in terms of coping with depression and anxiety. I now only turn to it in crisis situations. I want to keep my depression in-check so that I do not go back to using self-injury as a regular coping mechanism. I am not currently in therapy, and I have a lot of reservations about trying it again. My first therapist suggested that I would be "locked away" if I continued to self injure and her suggestion traumatized my 13 year old self. I tried therapy again at 18 and yet again at 21, but I could not benefit from the few sessions that I attended. I would attribute this to a few factors. First of all, waiting rooms bother me because of my social anxiety. Sitting in them makes my thoughts race and then I cannot think clearly when I enter a therapist's office. The ultimate issue, however, was that I could not learn to trust either therapist because of my initial therapy experience. Since I do not use therapy to help, I have handled my struggles through writing and learning. I study psychological perspectives, and I apply them to my life to gain a better understanding of myself. Sometimes, in desperation, I do turn to trusted individuals and I let them in. The problem with this is that everyone who I confide in immediately tries to pass me off to a therapist. I understand that they might think that a therapist is better equipped to help me, but I just want a listening ear and some support for now. For once, I also want to feel like someone cares enough to take the time to hear me out. I need someone to meet me where I am and understand my reservations about therapy. Instead of pushing me into therapy before I feel like I could benefit from it, I wish that someone would bear with me. Being pushed into therapy by everyone I have confided in has made me feel as though I am a hand-me-down. It feels like they do not want me anymore and they would rather give me to someone else so that someone else has to deal with me. Has anyone here ever started to feel dejected after hearing the "get help" response from people who you thought could help by listening?
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