about once a month i have this emotional pity party that lasts only a few minutes. it seems to be only on fridays that this happens.. i thought all the way home from work today as to what is really bothering me... a broken marriage of over 20 years to the love of my life.. sure this still bothers me at times. i feel i have accepted it and have went on as best i can... i feel no love for him now as a woman loves a man.. it is all just memories now.. what is bothering me is this! this last man i was with for the last 17 years... he ended up doing the same thing.. cheated on me with a woman he only used for sex. a woman he knew at the time i first met him.. i didn't know about her until later. then after 17 years he connects with her again.. just for sex... he dropped her as soon as i found out.. here is my problem.. this has caused tremendous anger in my heart.. we adopted three bichons from a rescue organization... anyone that knows me knows these dogs are my life.. i have to work a lot of nights on my job.. i have to have help with my dogs since i am gone so many long hours daily.. i don't see him often but when i do i still have the desire to knock his lights out.. i hate this.. i am a loving person to all i know. when i see him i feel things i can't deal with.. if it were not for my baby dogs i would have never allowed him to be in the same room with me again.. the cheating happened almost 2 years ago... the anger is still the same. i want him out of my life and the lives of my dogs. he loves them and i need his help with them.. i need him to come over and feed them at night and i need his help financially with them as it is very costly to vet and have groomed 3 bichons.... i know i will never get this hate out of my life until i can kick him all the way to the curb... i am not a hating person but dear God i have to get this out.. i feel pure hatred for this person.... he has taken the last ounce of self esteem away from me... i stay in this house except to go to work. like a hermit... what he did has brought all the past hurts back of a cheating husband on my life... i have a good job but i am so worn down from all this responsibility... on top of all this my daughter is more than likely dying from aids or anorexia... i am hanging in here.. i am not off the deep end.. i can't afford to get in this condition... i just need to tell someone. anyone, that i feel so at my wits end ...... i want peace..... i need peace..... i just want to be somewhere with my little dogs away from all this pain...... xxxx
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