sazza hun, alot of people suffering from depression feel this way, so you're not alone. DS also has a teen depression community, where you might find other teens going through the same thing. You'd be surprised how many are affected by depression, and by joining that community as well, you might find others who you can relate with and exchange ideas and suggestions to help you cope. You've come to a great site and I hope you find what helps you to feel better.
xoxoxo

sazza, my son is 15. He is dealing with depression. It runs in our family. I picked my son up at the homecoming bonfire a couple of days ago. Out of the clear blue he says,"Mom before you ask, no I did not have a good time tonight. I havent had a good time in a long time and I dont know if I am able to have fun anymore. I need an antidepressant." I am thankful that he told me. A couple of years ago he was contemplating suicide as you are. Then one night, he tried. Had he of succeeded he would have missed out on good things that have happened to him. He said that he is glad that he didnt succeed. All is good in his life now and he suffers depression. You need to hang in there and tell your mom or your dad the feelings you have. Trust me, they will be relieved you told them. Let them line up appts and get you treatment.

That's called "suicidal ideation". It's more of a thought that may seem real. It may even have a detailed plan, but not one that will be carried out. It is a natural instinct to want to get away or make the bad emotions end. It is VERY normal and natural for anyone that is depressed to go through this. Don't panic, and don't feel alone. If you have a therapist, or are in the process of getting one- they will likely help you control the thought pattern through "cognitive" therapy approaches. When you are depressed, your thoughts can be very dark- but not necessarily "real". I hope that helped.

thanks

OH YES, OH YES. But I know that it is the depression. It is the pain that I really want to eliminate not me personally.