I have just cut myself for the first time and it feels so good. I have no idea why - must be adrenalin or endorphines or something. I've always had urges to do it but i knew it was such a bad thing so i never did it. but today my french professor made me feel like a complete idiot and embarrassed me in front of everyone. a couple of hours ago i couldn't stop crying, called my mum and normally she makes me feel better but this time it didn't work and i went into the whole "whatever, I dont care" phase and i couldn't stop myself. I know logically it makes no sense - hurting yourself feels good - but i honestly feel happy. will have to cover it up tomorrow but i dont care its managed to make me feel better when i thought nothing possibly could. oh my therapist is gonna hate me for this. this is so much better than sleeping pills.
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