Ok before I start let me warn you guys I'm very tired for some reason. I hope I have enough engery to write this. Don't know why I'm so tired. Anyway, that's not what I writing about. I'm on an over couner medicine for joint pain and depression. Still have my meltdowns but not as bad. I hate though when I had so much engery today and then all of a sudden it goes down and you get upset over nothing. My grandma wants me to go see her on Thursday and do some Hoween party thing at the clubhouse. I want to be there with her and all, but I don't feel like putting on the happy face in front of everyone. This is important to her, so told her I would come, even though I'm starting a new training in my job on Friday. And she knew that, but she talked to the person that was bringing me instead of to me again. Time before last she didn't even ask me, I was just told where I was going. I had a talk with her about that. And did tell her weekends were better then weekdays. I'm not that upset over it though. I'm more upset about the fact that I had plenty of engery earlier, I wrote my thank you notes, and was going to write my sister a birthday card so I could send it before I leave, but didn't get that far. It takes engery just to write cards. Some days all I do is listen to the same dumb songs on youtube. I didn't do that as much today. I didn't even get on here till tonight because I knew nobody would leave me any hugs or messsages, and I was right. And I need to answer my clients on my mentoring site and I haven't done that in a few days. I love that job, it's a volunteer job, but I don't wanna get fired just because of my stuiped depression. It's a christian group so all they can do for you is give you scripture and pray for you, don't know if they really understand like you guys do, nobody does. And I'm trying to get to know someone in my real life, and I e-mailed him just telling him about what I go through and stuff. The first few he got, but this last one, he didn't get. I tried twice now, think my email is messed up. I tried to call him tonight, but no answer, think he may have picked up or put me on hold since I didn't hear a sound. It's his work phone so he may not answer at night times though. I want to talk to him about what I go through, but have no idea where to begin, on the phone I mean. Since he's not getting my emails for some reasons. I have the right address just not going through. How in the heck do I start telling someone I live with depression? He works in my church and really nice. I just don't know where to begin with him. And I just hate it when I don't have enough engery to get through the day. I can't go in to see my doctor because I have to have promission to get on meds and my family doesn't believe in depression. Anyway, sorry I made this so long, oh and yeah I'm working in this program I ordered in how to handle anxzity and depression and I didn't do very good tonight. Only you guys can really understand me, sometimes that's what hurts the most. I know that doesn't make since though to some of you. Thanks for listening, and again I'm sorry this is so long.
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