I've found myself in a deep, dark rut (again). I'm unemployed and have no direction. I'm afraid to apply for jobs because I'm afraid of long term commitment to something that might be end up being another failure. I'm terribly afraid of having to make decisions. I have a very weak work history because depression has stopped me so many times along the way. I went to college for a number of years and have a graduate degree, but I don't have the people or communication skills to hold down an office job. Relocation frightens me greatly. When people talk to me I immediately forget what they just said and I can't articulate very well. I can't seem to remember things or stay focused. I'm terribly depressed and lacking in energy despite exercising. I've never felt so lacking in interest of anything. Nothing excites me or gives me inspiration. All I'm able to do is lie in bed and hope that I feel better. It seems I've come to this point over and over again in my life. I don't know how to quit being a dead beat. I'm afraid to tell my doctor because he might just send me back to a psychiatrist who will prescribe me meds which have never helped me. I feel paralyzed. My dad was not able to hold down a job or establish a career over the course of his life and I feel like I've inherited this trait.
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