i dont understand y i keep crying for no reason, and its not just a few tears but hours and hours of it...im so sick of crying and hurting and not helping enough....i should be talking less and helping more not the other way around....i miss mom so much that i cant focus on what i should be doing....im so frickin angry with god for taking mom, never even got to say goodbye while she was living....been struggling for nites but keep ignoring the pain but the more i ignore it and hold it bad the worse the dreams become...they're getting so violent makes me not wanna sleep....i just wanna say im done and do it but i cant leave all the ppl that depend on me here and at work...ud think that would comfort me enough to keep me going but its not enough...i want someone to love me and hold me....and understand when i say i ant stand the pain...but no one is there....i took moms cross and broke it...i cnt stand to look at it...i hate him so much....ppl keep saying that mom and i will be together again someday but i need here now...she promised me, she promised shed be here and shes not....and ITS MY FAULT.....I WISHED THAT SHE WOULD DIE, I WAS SO ANGRY WITH HER FOR DESTROYING MY LIFE...I YELLED AT HER, I MADE HER CRY WHEN I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE...ITS MY FAULT SHE DEAD... MINE AND GODS
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