Its been awhile since I've logged on to DS. When I have, I feel a number of things. One is that there is really a common ground here that I really relate to. Other times its like checking into Dante's Inferno. Its like watching so many of us drowning in a sea of depression. Sometimes it makes me realize just how lonely I am and I really HATE admitting that. Its really the main reason that I'm here. Depression has been such constant in my life that its more like a numbing kind of pain. I've been dealing with it for forever. I've been on a number of antidepressants and been in therapy for a lot of years. It really has helped. I don't think I'd be alive if it weren't for the medication and the therapy. I had about eight good years where I was functionally fairly well. I had a decent job, a home, and some good relationships. I found those relationships in Adult Children of Alcoholics Anonymous. As ACA fell apart those relationships just faded away. I always seemed to be chasing something in my recovery, a sense of self and of self-worth. Some where along the line I just got tired of the pursuit.. I went on disability about eight years ago, giving up my job, my home, my car. I feel pathetic in resorting to the internet to try to connect with other human beings. I live a room and board facility now. Its depressing because most of the other people there can't really communicate very well. I like this saying that says, "I was waiting for my ship to come in and when it did there was nothing on it." Sometimes I feel like my life has been such a waste. I've had my good moments, but it seems like they've too few and to far in between. What happened to the world in that we can no longer reach each other as much as we need too except with this concept called the internet. It seems to sad that so many have to reach out in this way. How did we all become so isolated from one another? I am the TIGER
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