I feel like I'm falling. I don't feel like I am getting better. I am so sick of trying to get better and feeling like I am just running into brick walls. The thing that pisses me off even more is that when I fail it lowers my drive. I am at a point now where I just want to put a gun in my mouth and pull the damn trigger. Life is not meant to be lived like this. I have all these beautiful things around me, but yet I still hate myself and everything about myself. I know its because my dad always told me growing up that I would never amount to anything, and when I told him that my uncle molested me he pretended it did not happen. That was when I was 8. So my entire life I feel like I have to treat myself the way my dad did because thats all I know. I don't even know where to start, how to explain this. I need help people, please!!!!
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Feeling pretty bad today. I'm exhausted in every way. Tired of living this life where nothing changes or gets better despite how much I try. Had a bad life all my life and I'm just tired of being here.