I'm crashing, and think I'm going to start to crash faster and faster if I can't figure it. Last week had a really bad day of work and became immediately suicidal. Happily I was in my vehicle so I wasn't close to any drugs or weapons to do any harm. I ended up getting over that suicidal moment, but still have the feelings. I've been seeing a doctor who's trying to get the medication straighten out, but don't know if I can make it. Every night that I go to bed I want to DIE. I pray for me not to wake up. I think I'm purposely eating badly in hopes that I'll get a heart attack or something that will kill me. I just don't want to be a part of this world anymore. I don't want to feel this pain anymore. I have an appointment with my doc in a week and hope that I can make it that long before I crash again. I don't want to go to the hospital and feel like an idiot and get myself place on a mental hold. I just don't know what to do.
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Feeling pretty bad today. I'm exhausted in every way. Tired of living this life where nothing changes or gets better despite how much I try. Had a bad life all my life and I'm just tired of being here.