i know that i have been a bug this week on the board. i have been having a hard time and am teetering between getting help and saying "fuck it". i went to my doctor today and got nothing really settled. i was seriously considering bringing in the new year headed toward a pine box but not sure i am going to do that now. i am still not decisive on anything at all because i am not emotional enough about any of this at all. i do know that i am sick and tired of all of the crap that is my life. no, i have not had nearly as much shit happen to me this year as some of you so i do feel like a weak, sniveling baby. in fact, most of my problems have been brought upon myself via bad decisions and a stupid desire to "always be helpful". what makes me want to die the most is the idea that i will have to continue on this way in 2008 and beyond. i cant see myself doing this shit. i just want to go to sleep tonight and not wake up. what am i asking of you guys. send some sensible thoughts my direction please. dont really need replies or hugs, just telekinetic thoughts sent over the net that might help me leave these thoughts aside for now.
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