Here I have been trying to tell all of these people that life is worth living and that god is a powerful god and that i have been touched in a life changing way by him. I feel like such a fool telling all these people to do something i cannot. I feel like a coward! I am FALLING APART! I am having serious thoughts about suicide right now! I have even tried to get a hold of my father (WHO I HATE) to come watch me blow my fuckin brains out! I HATE HIM! I HATED CHRISTMAS, I ALWAYS DO... BECAUSE OF HIM!!! MY MOM KILLED HERSELF BECAUSE OF HIM WHEN I WAS 9YRS OLD ON XMAS EVE!!! NOW I HAVE NOBODY!!! I AM STUCK IN A SITUATION THAT SUCKS SOooo SO BAD RIGHT NOW AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!!! I AM BACK AT MY HOUSE WHERE I AM FEARING FOR MY LIFE, AND I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE AND I HATE THIS, I FUCKIN HATE IT!! BUT ITS MY FAULT BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I DID THIS TO MYSELF! I DONT KNOW HOW TO CHANGE MY THINKING!!! I AM SO SCARED!
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