My depression is pretty severe right now, and in addition to the severe undiagnosed pelvic pain I've been having for the past couple of months I have very little interest in sex. My husband and I have gone through 3 week dry spells, and the most often we do it is maybe once a week. Last night he got upset with me, but I'm not sure I understand what he was saying. He definitely said that every time he tries I shut him down and the only time we do anything is when I initiate it. So I decided next time I'm in the mood I'll just wait for him to try something and then respond. But I don't know what else to do. I can't say yes when I'm not in the mood, but he couldn't tell me how I could say no without making him feel like I was rejecting him, not the sex. I tried so hard to explain how I feel. I told him that I just didn't feel like sex was important right now and he said it was about intimacy and I knew that. But when I suggested other ways to be intimate he got upset with me that I was saying sex was just something physical, which is what I told him when we first started dating because I was sexually abused and had always looked at it as a raw animal thing to do for pleasure, not "making love". And that's where I am right now. I don't have the emotional connection during sex and just as anyone with depression knows I've lost interest in things that used to make me happy, like sex. So what do I do? I feel hurt that he's upset. I feel like he should understand and go without if he loves me, not be hurt that I say no. I feel like we should suffer this together, not on opposite sides of the bed at night because I won't fulfill his sexual needs.
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