I am not sure how... Okay so I think about suicide and what it would be like and I daydream about how people in my life would take it, a lot. I wonder about it all the time and at least once a day get the urge to take me prescription pills and down the whole bottle but I never do and I have never considered myself suicidal because although I admittedly feel the want to close my eyes and fall asleep, never to wake up again, I dream of that peace and multiple times have prayed to a god I am not even sure i believe in for a terminal disease because I hate the idea of suicide, it seems cowardly but I am still begging for a way out of my own head and I wonder, does that really mean I'm screwed up? or is it normal or is it a phase?
I'm just scared of feeling like this all the time.