How can life bring me down no matter what I try to do to be happy? I swear, every freakin time I try to crawl out of the hole I'm in, something comes and knocks me back into a somehow even deeper hole? Why can't things go smoothly for a day? Why do I always have to be the one to make everybody else happy even though it makes me miserable? What did I do wrong? I'm sorry, just leave me alone dammit, I'm so sick of feeling like this, and it's not me, it's my life that is making me feel this way...my situation....and I am about out of options...I still feel suicidal as hell, but now I'm living with my mom and no matter how bad it gets, I don't even have the option to kill myself anymore because I know what it would do to her, and she can't handle it. Now I really am cornered....going to have to try to live through this and when I finally get out, if I somehow manage that impossible mission, I'm going to be a screwed up individual, more so than now. I'm already pretty fucked up as a person, with the laziness and not wanting to help anybody that needs it and being self centered as hell, and those things are just going to get worse, I know that because life isn't going to get better for me. I'm so damn sick of this life, and I don't want anything to do with it anymore...but I have to and it sucks ass and I just don't see myself managing my issues alone anymore. I need professional help, and I know it....but knowing isn't everything, because something has to be done, but in my situation, nothing CAN be done....how can things be like this? I'll leave this with the same thing I started it with: HOW?
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