I've been struggling with depression off and on for over two years. I was on Effexor and Xanax. The Effexor didn't help at all and the Xanax tends to lose it's efficiency over time, plus I don't want to get addicted. I weaned myself off the meds earlier this year, but I'm back on Xanax. You know the old saying "I try to take one day at a time but lately several days have attacked at once"? That is so true for me right now. I've been dealing with health problems, some that no one can diagnose, since February. In the testing, though,they found masses on both ovaries that they are just "watching" right now. I was diagnosed as diabetic and now my liver enzymes are high and they don't know why. I am losing weight and trying to get my cholesterol down as I have been having shortness of breath and chest pain on minimal exertion, but a cardiologist and pulmonologist have told me there's nothing wrong with heart or lungs. I could have liver disease from something called non-alcoholic fatty steatohepatitis - it's not hepatitis like the virus, it's caused by fatty infiltration of the liver. It can and usually does progress to cirrhosis. I haven't had a biopsy yet. The doctor wants to check levels again in November first. I have been unemployed for months and we are flat broke and about a month ago my husband confessed THREE affairs to me that have happened in the last 10 years of our 22 yr marriage. The most recent was still going on when he confessed, although he swears he's ended it. We're in counseling now, but things aren't going well. I'm having a horrible time dealing with this. Why did everything hit all at once? I just returned to church about 3 months ago after a 20 year absence, but even there I'm not finding the peace I long for. I'm struggling with my faith, unfortunately. I don't want to go back on meds because I think they may have helped damage my liver. There are many I can't take because I take heart medicine for a fast heart rate, too. Anything in the Effexor family probably won't help me anyway. Sorry to ramble. I just wondered if anyone can tell me if just CHOOSING not to be depressed and CHOOSING to get up each day and function can help? My sister keeps telling me "suit up and show up" and "fake it until you can make it". She is a cancer survivor. Is that really enough? I know attitude can help a lot, but how do you change your attitude when all you want to do is crawl in bed and cry? I hate this so much.
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