well my dad tells me i have to start posting and get involved. I just dont know what to say. I almost got online last night cuz i couldnt sleep. Its funny Im soo tired yet i cant sleep. I just lay there at night thinking of all the problems i have, over and over again. I have to move tomorrow and there is still SO much thats not done. But i cant bring myself to do it. Im tired. Im so down right now its incredible. It happens every few months i get to the point where i cant handle any more and im so overwhelmed with everything i cant take the first step to get out of the hole. Then every couple years it seems i get seriously suicidal. This must be that year. I suppose that withdrawl has something to do with it too and it sure as hell isnt making life any easier. I feel like the only way out is to die. I have been through ALOT, yet quitting drugs is by far the hardest thing i have faced. I know i will be spending ALOT of time in my room at the new apartment. I have a master bedroom so i wont even have to leave my room to go to the bathroom LOL. I hate being bottled up in the house it makes me want to go out and get high. But i cant leave the house, because I want to go get high. I dont know what to do. I guess I just have to wait it out and hope the cravings get weaker. well Im talking, we'll see what happens.
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