I don't want to sound like I'm bragging but I'm a good looking guy, confident with the way that I look. That isn't my problem, my problem is that I constantly find myself regretting things that I have done in my life even when its nothing major. I feel that I am a bad person and that everything I am doing is an attempt to portray myself in a particular light. It isn't but I feel that everyone around me must think that it is. When I was in school everyone used to accuse me of being gay, consequently I started to believe that I was. I announced to everyone that I was and went onto experiment with guys. I enjoyed it but it didn't feel right, it didnt feel comfortable and so I made my way back to girls that felt right. What I liked about the idea of being close to a guy was that male attention, something that I feel I really lacked from my dad when I was younger and something that I will never be able to get back. Still though I get the horrible feeling that people around me think that I am living a lie. I have a girlfriend that I love dearly. I enjoy every moment I spend with her. We have experience alot of new and exciting things together and share alot of interests. I want to be happy with her and generally I am but lately, particuarily when I am away from here I start feeling really badly about myself, that this isnt the way that everyone else has gone about living their lives and growing up. I feel abnormal. I just want to find a way to get rid of all this regret and shame I have in my life. What makes it worse is I am living in Leicester where I go to university and I havent found my place here at all. I spend most nights in and am finding it hard to mingle with my housemates (who are a couple). They dont get along very well and the lack of positivity in this place is dragging me down. When I'm around people that make me feel good I feel great, so Im unsure whether it is the enviroment that I am in or whether its me. I dont know whether it healthy to be dependant on the social group that you are within. I havent ever really been able to tell anyone that i feel like this and so opinions and support wuld be greatly appreciated
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