i think about why i get so depressed all the time. and i can never figure out whether i caused it or my parents did. i dont like my dad at all and my mother just listens to him without even voicing her opinions. my dad has this point of view that im a bad child and he told me he never wanted me in the first place. so he always tells my mother not to bother with me and she obeys. but then i dont talk to him because i dont like fighting and confrontations with him and people in general so he might see it as me ignoring him or something. it just sucks to have to deal with them. and they dont provide me with opportunities to experience things to give a reason to be alive. i always have to do it myself and somethings i just cant do alone. theyve ruined so many of my friendships, wasted so much of my time, and cant seem to understand or realize that they are doing it. i try and explain to them but they cant ever listen without thinking they already know what im dealing with. i told them i thought i was depressed and it took three and a half years before i even went into the doctors. then 4 years later, im on prozac. it just pisses me off to even think about it cuz it makes me feel like my life sucks. which is probably does lol
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