Well this weekend was anything but pleasant. I spent Valentine's day shopping and going to sleep super early around 10 last night. I dont understand the reason for my solitude. My family's past has indeed caused some damage to me but I've worked on looking on and I seem to still not find my right guy. I walk through life looking at others and wonder why not me? Why am I unloved, left without that shoulder to run to to hold me at night? Am I that much of a catastrophe that others would rather leave me there unwanted and keep walking? I feel incomplete, and its not me wanting someone, its that I feel as though I am scarred because of my family's past and what happened with me. I've said that I have given up on love, I know it exists, just not when it comes to me. Its as though I am destined to be the one that always wonders why? and what if? but will never know the real outcome of reality. I want to be able to have my own love story of a guy truly caring for me, being there for me as i would for him and it would be more than just another juvinille short term joke. Its as though as more time goes on I loose more hope and I am falling apart.
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