This was the journal entry I wrote this morning after last night's events with our future roommates. I really need to know if I did the wrong thing or if I am wrong for feeling this way. My boyfriend (Mike) told me this morning (before we got into a fight) that he was proud of me making progress but I don't know if I should feel this way...please read I know its long...sorry =(

Last nite Chris came over to vent and ask my advice on what to say to Adri to get her to move in with us. I did a good job staying calm, giving my suggestions and staying through the whole conversation no matter how stressful it was. The whole idea for us to move in together to save money was mine. Mike and I called the bedroom of our choice (if we got a 2 bed 1 bath) or the master bedroom (if we got a 2 bed 2 bath). This was the start of all the problems. She wouldn't move in unless she got the master bedroom. She also has a dog. I was promised a cat. Theres only one pet allowed in the apartment under the lease. I gave that up and said she could have the dog under the lease, and I might sneak in a cat later but it would just stay in my room. We were all ok with that, then she said that she doesn't want to pay a $600 pet deposit for "someone elses pet" when if the landlord found out there was two pets living in the apartment, HER pet would stay. She didn't understand she was paying the fee for HER dog's security. If I was to bring in a cat it would be my responsibility to hide it, not to give her $300. She didn't agree with that. So fine, I agreed to pay her the $300 just to shut her up. THEN she still thinks were going for the 2 bed 2 bath (when we were only going for the 2 bed 1 bath) and we said we wanted pick of the bedrooms and IF IF IF we decided to upgrade to a 2 bed 2 bath we'd pay the WHOLE deposit and get the "Master Bedroom". She thought we were moving into a 2 bed 2 bath so she said that she wouldn't move in and that her boyfriend who was working hard to get them a place and this was the only way he could afford it, to just accept that shes not moving in...because she wanted EVERYTHING. She wanted the only pet where allowed, and the master bedroom. She was fighting over something that wasn't even there or available, and when she found out there was only one bathroom, and we wanted the other bedroom closer to the bathroom, and she would get the "Master Bedroom" she was FINE and HAPPY.

Everything was "settled" and Chris left but after thinking about it I couldn't live with someone I had harbored animosity towards, so I made a mistake and called Chris back and told him I couldnt live with her because even though what she was fighting over wasnt there, it was her selfish attitude wanting everything for herself that I couldnt stand. While I was right we still need a place to stay, and Mike went from being happy things were settled, to angry at me even though he eventually saw my side and acknowledged I was right for feeling so. I told him days earlier that I had grown a backbone and that Id never leave anything unsaid again and Id never let anyone walk all over me again.
So I decided to try and salvage things one last time and messaged her on myspace to tell her exactly how I feel and that I still wanted to salvage the plan. Here is the message
Subject : Im going to be frank with you
Here is why I'm mad;
This thing with us moving in together was all my idea. I suggested it and we had Chris over to discuss the possibility. If this was the other way around and you and Chris were inviting -us- to stay with you in a two bedroom two bath, I wouldn't have questioned who got the "Master Bedroom". I would have accepted that it was you're idea, you called dibs, and you got it, not gone and said, "I want the master bedroom and my dog." This is supposed to be a sacrifice on all our parts to make a better future to save money to be happy.
I was completely convinced in going today and actually excited about the move until your attitude tonight. Mike and I called dibs on the bedroom of our choice (and if we moved into the bigger apartment, yes, the "master bedroom") yet were willing to let you have the only legal pet when I was promised a cat. Then you said if I was going to have a cat you didn't want to pay 600 for someone else's pet when only YOUR pet would be ensured to stay no matter what. I would have to hide my cat if i even got one, and then there would be the possibility of them finding out and saying that we could only have one pet...automatically yours. That's why the 600 should be all for your dog.
Then when you thought we were still getting the other bedroom you said something like, "I'm putting my foot down" where you had no place to. You had no respect for the fact that because of my idea, you'd be able to finally have everything you want with just a few setbacks...because of what I suggested. Even though were not getting two bathrooms, you thought we were and it was your attitude that pissed me off tonight. You would have had everything you want and just because you couldn't let your friends have the smaller bedroom connected to what you thought would be (which there isn't even one available) a smaller bathroom, you said that you wouldn't move in.
I'm sorry I'm so frustrated. The last people I want to be frustrated with is friends. This is a tense situation and I know you're scared...I am too and its not about just you and Chris...I'm thinking about me saying with Mike forever and I know that's what I want to have happen as I'm sure that's what you want for you and Chris. This way...everyone is happy (with a few setbacks or course) and we can save up money to prepare for our futures as couples and someday have financial stability to start our own families.
But I have to say that I'm a little hurt by your attitude and I hope this gets resolved for all of our sakes. I'm still awake and still your friend if your willing to talk.

(559) ***-****

I got out all my feelings while still saying we could still do this, we just needed to get things straightened out (or, you have to stop being selfish and stupid). Mike liked my message but thought it could have been worded better. I thought it was worded exactly as how it needed to be. We were fine and he saw my point of view and we had a pretty happy morning.

Then before he went off to work he couldnt find his keys. He said I was the last one to have them, I said I only took his bike key off but the keys were where he put them last. I offered him my keys and the bike key, but he still wanted his mail key which was on the other ring. I said dont worry about it and when I cleaned and found the keys Id check the mail. He starts going on and on about how he doesnt feel like a success if he lost his keys and wouldnt stop looking till he found them (and he had to leave for work in 5 minutes) I tried to make him feel better by saying that EVERYONE I dont care who or how successful, loses their keys sometimes. He continued to ignore me as he searched for his keys, finally finding them and almost storming off to work without my goodbye kiss or hug and without telling me he loved me, and Im big on that because if something happened to either one of us we wouldnt want our last words to be filled with anger.

I just was so frustrated I thought about leaving again, because its so hard to constantly work on things, constantly try. But I know I wouldnt be happy without him, and arent the best things in life those that you have to try hard for?? I love him, and I know he loves me. I guess thats all I need.

I feel like Im going crazy and for everything I do right I do something wrong, I dont know if Im making progress, but I feel like at least Im just not making mistakes and having to do something right to correct it, Im just doing something right and something bad happens. I dont even know if I am right for feeling this way anymore.