I am tired of being tired. I am tired of sleeping my life away. I am a young college student. I should be jumping out of bed in the morning anxious to go to class, see my friend, go to practice. Instead i've missed my morning class more times then i can count. I am tired of hating myself, tired of feeling worthless. I remember being happy before this took over my life. I thought going to school would make it go away. I hate having to take a pill every morning. I hate how they make me feel. Why can't I just be normal? Why can't I truly be the young happy face I put out to the world? I can't tell anyone, not even my best friend about my depression. It is embarassing. I want to be the perfect girlfriend so I try to put on a good face for my boyfriend. He is so good to me, says he can help me anyway I need him. But i am too embarassed to cry on his shoulder. Instead i lock it inside until I cant keep it in any longer. I have to go in the shower to cry because its the only place I can get privacy. It makes me so angry. I have a great family, great friends, amazing boyfriend. He knows about how I feel and truly makes me feel better when I am with him. I know the negative things I think about myself is not what the world sees. I am not fat. I am not ugly. I am smart and pretty and have a good personality. Why can't I see that? Why can't I get through this. I do not want to hurt myself or die, I just want to get better because I truly miss waking up and being excited for the day. I am blessed in so many ways and it angers me that the depression stops me from enjoying what great things I have. I am tired of it. I have tried everything. so many different pills. I wake up in the morning and try to push myself but some days I just can't even get out of bed. I lied to my friends and told them I got mono to explain my fatigue and why sometimes I dont go out on the weekends. She leaves and I'm left to cry alone in the room. I miss my old self. Im tired of being so tired all the time.
Posts You May Be Interested In