In the past 2 years I've fallen into major depression. For about 4 years leading up to that I had off and on spots, and was seeing a counsler. But last July I tried to commit sucide, failed, and then again in November.The only way I can describe my feeling is as emptiness. Now this is what confusses me, I do not feel hopeless, I see all reasons for me to live. I see that I have a good life, good friends and that my future is bright, but I have thoughts that I do not believe are my own. The only way I can describe it its as voices, but its not auditory, they are more of thoughts to hurt myself. I say they are not my thoughts because I've never had the urge to harm myself, I've actutally talked friends of mine out of harming themselves, telling them that it solves nothing and that there's no point to it. But no I find myself picking up the knife after a breakdown and suprisingly getting a bit of relief from the pain I feel. I feel I have no reason to feel this way. I recently found out that my mother has suffered from depression through out her life and I'm wondering if it is heredity. I'm now going to counsling again and my counsler thinks it would be a good idea to be put on some medication. I'm not sure about this and I don't know the first thing about anti-depressants, so it would be amazingly helpful if some of you could give me advice.
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