have you ever been afraid of yourself? i am right now. i don't know what's happening to me. i'm depressed, feel horrible and just want to crawl into a corner and stay there. i've been edgy lately, very edgy. if you so much as look at me when i don't want you to and i go off. i burst into fits of hatred and rage. i don't throw things around and hit other's though. i shove people away and when i speak i do so in a very colorful fashion if you know what i mean. and then comes the pain. i hurt both physically and mentally, i start abusing myself and stop caring about the world. i act happy around others, but that's only to keep them from worrying. i want to cry, but i can't. my body feels like a void in the world, it feels like i'm being crushed. and my mind, it doesn't rest, it just blacks out. and then i'm awake, but it hurts and it takes forever to get up. but worst of all, i'm afraid. fear and a feeling of dread fills this void. scared that at any minute, i'll lose it completely and lash outward instead of in. i bottle it up not because i can't express it, but because i have to. i'm just afraid, so afraid.
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