Im really sick and tired of me feeling depress.I have been crying so much this past weeks ecause I know whats comi ng this months ahead..Me hiding away from everyone tyll the winter comes like the last year..I basicly havent talk to anyone for about 1 year and a half in RL.I was really in bad ways when I was around 13-16 around gangs drugs sex violence ect..All me and my so called "friend" did was go and get high,have sex with ppl,I wouldnt come home for weeks to my house,One time I went like a month and 2 weeks,after smonking weed like everyday I started having panic attacks and thinking all tons of crazy zhyt,I didnt like that..So I decided to stop haging around with them people.And I did but I dont seem to know anything but what I used to do..I started thinking back in the crazy stuff I did and just makes me parannoid and depress because Im really ashame of it.So now that I wanted to start all over again away from that shit Im stuck in my bad thoughs it seems Im always thinking or making my self steem drop down tyll I just couldnt go anywhere and feel scare to see people.I really need help,My mom doesnt seem to care in anything but working to save money to built a house in Mexico,I obviously dont wanna go back there,she has told me Im gonna be over age when shes done with the house over there and I could decide wether or not I go..Thats alot of help from her to make me feel more down,Im not gonna have anybody here since I dont have friends whats gonna happen to a girl thats depress with noone on her life?you get the picture..Im tired of wishin to get over this or looking on the positive side...because I havent done no progress and nobody seems to care or try to help me..Not even the only person that would(MOM)gives a fuck about it..I guess a child that its born without a dad that happened to be arried and have his own childs with her wife is meant to be fucked up.I have more details in my journal if anyone gives a zhyt on reading about me wishin I would die and how bad life is with me...
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