I know this should probably be written in the journal but it's ok. This is not intended to be responded to but by all means respond if you would like to. Lately, I just haven't had anything to look forward to. I've lost all beliefs and all my faith. I grew up around a very catholic society and I went to Catholic school until high school. I always had my beliefs in God and I never doubted what I was told, well up until 2 years ago. I feel that if I write this it's going to come off as I'm blaming my feelings on another person, but it's no ones fault but my own. I'll start by saying that my family has always been relatively close. The occaisional get togethers; always big parties on holidays. The main "group" of family was Myself, my sister, My father and my mother, my uncle Billy, my aunt Linda, Aunt Betty, Aunt Jeanne, Uncle Joe, Angela, Tony, Michael, Grandmom, and Grandmom, all whom are from my fathers side of the family. Billy, Jeanne, and Betty were my dad's siblings. About 2 years ago my Uncle Billy started experiencing some things that didn't come off as normal so the Doctors told him that he had Multiple Sclerosis. We all thought that he had this until about 6 months later the symptoms got worse, none of which were signs of MS. On further examination, the doctors came to the conclusion that my Uncle had ALS. ALS is a disease that slowly shuts down all your body systems one by one. He lost his ability to walk, then to talk, then to swallow, and eventually he couldn't even breathe on his own. This journey was extremely hard to endure. Watching your Uncle helplessly being moved from place to place by his wife and kids was heart breaking. I couldn't even say i love you with having any expectations to hear it back because I knew he wasn't able to do that. I saw him last on mother's day. He passed away recently. My faith in God- gone. I understand that people die; i understand that completely. But if you have the ability to create people than you could help someone. You shouldn't put someone and their family through that much pain. I can't stop thinking about him and I wish I would have done more. I never got to tell him how much I loved him and I really hope he knows. If you do read this and decide to respond please do NOT leave a comment trying to help me regain my faith- it's not going to work. That's not what I'm here for. I'm here because ever since then, I haven't wanted be with family or friends. My family lost the heart and soul of the family- my family lost themselves. I lost myself. I don't know who I am. Maybe it's the teenageness coming out. But either way- God is no longer a factor in my life.
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