i guess you could say this is my suicide note. ive finally had it. ive tried and waited to see if life would get any better...and trust me it hasnt. i know i may not have been trough as much as everyone else on this site but i still think ive been throught quite alot. im still scarred from my dad abusing me and my sisters abusing me. my self esteem is way to low to ever be raised. ive cut myself so deep that i thought i was going to die right then, ive had the whole school call me emo and numerous people tell me to just go do them a favor and kill myself. all of this is better than anything im experiencing now. its scary how i can freak out if someone dear to me is saying things like this but when i say it, i dont even care. i used to write the most morbid things that would freak my friends and my parents out. ive done drugs and been to rock bottom but right now i feel even lower. i feel as though im trapped in a never ending cycle of depression and anxiety. at least ten times a day im seriously insulted by someone i thought was a good friend. im a pretty honest person and i would never do anything to purposely hurt anyone and yet i get stabbed in the back and constantly called a bad friend. i wish that one night while my dad was choking me.. i wish he succeed. i would never then have to be through all this. i wish that i killed myself 2 years ago when i knew for certain when i was going to die. i even had a secret countdown. this was all before all my friends turned around and stabbed me in the back, before my own family could look at me with such hatred. tonights finally the night that its going to be all over. no more putting it off. my times finally here. i never have to be hurt or see anyone i love being hurt. i hope anyone that feels as low or almost as low as i do, that they would get help. i dont want anyone to give up the way that i am. i hope that one day the world will finally change and suicide will no longer exist. but for now it does and i am a victim to it. i love you all. goodbye,
(1993- Jan. 12, 2009)
(1993- Jan. 12, 2009)
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