Last week on Monday, I had a total meltdown and there I was, alone, like always. I'm always trying to get people to hang out with me and try to have fun and not in that clicing kind of way. I'm told that if you want peolpe to be around you to put yourself out there. Well, I do, but then something happens and I go back to my dark little box in my head. Well to what I was saying, on Monday night I had a meltdown and was planning on killing myself. I called up a friend who was at my ex-boyfirend and his girlfriend's place for springbreak and told her that I wrote her a letter and that I'm going to kill myself. She started to cry and my other friend that was there, grabbed the phone and started to talk to me. I told her my plan and she told me not to do it. My ex's girlfirend mother found out and called the cops on me. I was taken to the hospial and now I'm in teaspy. But the thing is, is that no one wanted to talk to me in person. They didn't want to deal with me. My mother has this boyfriend, but he's 10 years older then me! I mean, I used to hang out with his brother who is 20. Give me a break! And everynight after my mom gets home from work, she goes out to his house, leaving me alone, like always. I'm done with it. I mean she knows what's going on with me and doesn't want to deal with me! I swear the world will be better off without me in it. I can't take much more of everything that's going on. I should be happy, but I can't. At least not for a long. I'm in physical pain all the time and I shouldn't be. I'm starting to get headaches all the time. I've stayed home from school 3 times, because I couldn't get out of bed. I could barely move at all. There's something not right with me. I don't know anymore. My ex said that he wants to be friends, but we have to hide it from his girlfriend. She doesn't like me and I didn't do anything to her. She called the cops on me calling 'phone harassment', saying that I've tearthen my ex, when I've never said anything to them like that. God!!! He said that he wants to get back with me, but we can't right now. His girlfriend is having his kid and she's a freak! She practices black magic and said that she's prossed by the devil. I mean come on. He left me for that?! I done with him from now. I'll try to be friends with him in the future after the baby is born, but I'm done with everythign that comes with him. God! I hate my life so much right!! I don't want to deal with my friends and their little problems. My friends get mad because their parents ground them and take things away from them. My mother is never home to do anything!! I'm always alone. I'm always lost. I'm always confuse.
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