im getting so pissed off bout shit im just like idc anymore and i have anger problems i say shit that i mean but wouldnt usually say outloud im tired of hearing bout my parents talk down bout gay people it pisses me off cuz im like not sure if im gay or not and im confused and i would never be able to tell them....they would write me off...theyre freaking JESUS freaks!!! im not im fucking atheist but like a good little daughter i go to church every sunday just to make them happy.....they dont know im atheist hjeaven forbid if they found out bout that....they would send me to therapy and tell me theres somethjing wrong with me....no one gets me i have one friend i hang out with but even then she cant be the best friend i want cuz she already has a best friend who hates me...im fucking frustrated i cant talk to anyone!!!!! i wanna freakin cutt all the time i wanna hurt myself.....im becoming worse with my SI i burned myself!! i stuck a pin in my fucking arm! and for what??? i have no real reason my life isnt horrible its tough but not completely miserable...i have my mind set that when i leave this house ill be ok....but im not soo sure i will be....i fucking dream about loyd...the man i love every night...i call him too much....i never will be able to get over him....hes all the way in texas and yet i still cant get over him....its pitiful i just need someone i could love as much as i love him...and i dont think ill be able to find that person...ever i hate being in highschool... the people are petty and stupid...to much gossip...i think i have mental issues i mean i wish i was a mother i wish i had a kid and im only 17 im not suppouse to want that at this age am i???
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