well, iv NEVER liked to admit that i hav the feelings that i do, i was abused at one time of my life for a few years actualy, and iv blocked it out, but i hav refused to believe that it could ever effect me in the future, but it does and i dont like it, things are getting out of control now, iv always been kind of suicidal, or atleast played with the idea of it for almost as long as i can remember, even when i was a little kid it was always a temtation, i tried once when i was like ten cause i thought that there was a cut off age and if i killed myself b4 i was a "big kid" i would go to heaven, because all kids were welcom in heaven, and now im religous, but i still hav problems, and now there impulsive,i want to cut, i need to distruct i need to do somthing impulsive, my thoughts drive me mad at times and i dont know what to do
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