it's too hard trying to be the perfect one, the stable one in a house full of imperfection. it gets to me. i'm so afraid of messing up, of them finding out that i'm not perfect. yet, it's gotten too easy to smile at them, too easy to get that 4.0, too easy to pretend like i love it here. i'm so fake to everyone around me. fake in that i seem happy with life to my friends at school, while i come home and cry on the bathroom floor with that piece of silver sliding across my skin. no one would ever know, no one would ever guess. and that might just be what scares me the most- that i'm too good at pretending to be someone else. so much, that i'm not sure who i am most of the time.
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