my brother passed away. i never realy talked about it that much or cryed that much as bad as it sounds i just kept going on and pushed it aside. i cryed rairly and mostly alone but i would aways be cheery and happy self. but its starting to hit me that hes realy gone. my mind hasent been right since it started to sink in. i feel so mad at people like the persion responcible and i feel like i have anger twords them inside me. i aso have anger twords my dad. he isent realy a great dad and i dont see him anymore by my own choice becausehe is mean and yells and a whole bunch of other stuff. so i get thoughts in my mind of me acting in anger twords everyone an di know in my heart that im a child of god and i would NEVER EVER hurt a sole or anyone for that mater. so i feel evil sometimes when i have these thoughts of anger. bu i have been through a lot and its just building up inside me. i still act like my bubbly self but with all this going on in my mind its hard to be bubbly sometimes. i get so mad at myself for thing angry things. i wish those thoughts would go away. i am tying staying away from scary horror movies because they dont help they make them worse. like i said i dont think im an evil persion and i need to give myself a break because i have been through so much that its understanndable. i dont like talking to counclers cause they always think there right and most of the time they havent been through the same situation as you have so their advice dosnet help thatmuch. so i would like to find someone to talk to.
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