ok for the past month i got worse then before...today im not just sad and depressed!i feel pain in my heart sometimes im scared that my depression would get me into heart problems,im so scared that i might get sick,i feel like crying but my tears wont come out which makes me even hate my self more,i dont want to stay in my school im so tierd of it,im so alone there i dont feel that people like me...at all i dunno why! and i feel ugly all the time...but people say that im not! why do i see my self as an ugly person if people can't see me this way?soon it will be summer holiday (THANK GOD!) and i feel like im gonna take a break meanwhile.i dont like talking to people because they always show you how nice they are and after you get to know them you find out that you know a monster not a human,i never told this to anyone before..but i sometimes feel like beating my self (did it once or twice and stopped)but i learned that i need to control my self before i do something horrible to me or other people,i always think or revenge but im too kind to do that! i mean there is no way i would do such a thing no matter what!my point is i hate my self more that ever and im scared of getting heart problems because of it...HELP!
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