Don't be ashamed of yourself. This is a chemical imbalance, the same as cancer. It's your body, not you, turning on itself. I went through [and am still going through] the same thing with my bipolar.

The fact that you feel fat and ugly may be a trigger for an eating disorder. I would seek help for it, and obviously regular therapy isn't working for you, so maybe you need some form of antidepressant.

feeling shame about depression is completely normal, sadly it shouldn't be normal. It's our society. So many people think depression is just a lack of willpower, but it's not at all. I have myself have the willpower (and am stubborn as) fifty thousand AND one goats (lol), yet I have depression. I fight like hell to get through, but it comes back.

There is no reason to feel ashamed of depression. It's a medical disorder that causes your chemical transporters to get messed up (mostly ur "happy" chemical transporters). I could go into detail, but you should email for that... i get carried away ^_^

So yeah, u don't need to be ashamed. I doubt one day you woke up and said "I want to be depressed."

From what u say, it seems you do need the medication because you say you have good people around you. Medication is only part of the solution though, it's more like a jump-start for you.

You say you feel fat n ugly, but that's better than having cancer. You can fix it much more easily. Excersizing is very good and not jsut for ur physical body. When you excersize, your brain releases a bunch of those "happy" chemical things I was talking about (officially known as dopamine). This is where the "runners" high comes from. You can even just take walks :] go somewhere you can enjoy the scenary. I myself go to the bay. I just love the sound and look of water and ripples.

Anyway, hope that helps :] at least a little.

OO, remember! it's my problem too, i try to remember: its really great that everyone else is great toward you, but now you have to care for urself the way they do. You may not like urself now, but you can change and be whoever you want to. The only limitation is the one you put on urself, that's what I believe. You can do what i did! I hated myself so much, i used that negative energy to push me into training and bettering myself. Worked for me :] You just have to prove to urself u can do anything! and you might be afraid of failure, but that's what holds you back. So what if you screw up once or twice or evern fifty times? The more times you try something, the more chances you have for success. Just don't give up, and especially don't give up on urself. Out of all people in this world, the one you need the most is urself. Be there for you :]