I've been feeling so horrible lately, its unbareable. Ihave been struggling with depression since '05 and while I would always wonder about suicide there was only one time when I was serious about it. I tld myself that the next morning I'd ask my parents for help, but the next morning I was not feeling as low as the nightr before so I said nothing. Last night I was crying constantly and I felt like the end was near. I was wondering what would happen when my parents found that I had killed myself and I wrote a note of what I would write to them after they found me. I was wondering how I'd end my life--its not that it scares me to die I just worry about what everyone will think. They'll think I was crazy and that I was troubled, they will deny that they have been less than perfect to me. Anyway, I look forward to the future too much to kill myself, I can't wait until I'm out of College but right now, everything sucks and I hate everything. Its all too hard for me and I'm always hopeless, confused, lost, and stressed. I have all these things running around in my head but I cannot grasp onto them and understand them led alone be able to explain the way I feel to everyone or anyone. Just the simplest things are killing me. Life is taking it's toll.
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