Okay, so a few years ago I started going late to school, sleeping too much, not bothering to wake up for school, running away from home and so missing school, staying off the whole day, becoming nocturnal and so sleeping all day rather than going to school.. etc. etc.
Basically I'm now like well into my last year of school, gcse year, and I'm not going in atall.
I keep trying, and its just become such a habit I exhaust myself and then my sleeping goes nocturnal again, and I feel such a failure for not being able to do a basic thing like go to school..
I'm so close to giving up and just saying "fuck it I won't even bother trying." But the next step is taking my parents to court for my truancy. Could be prison or a big fine.. I don't know the details.
I have a "ace worker" whatever that means. Only for a few weeks though. First we were okay, she irritated me but I really wanted it to work. Either way, I got too tired, we fell out and now shes making it really difficult for me to flip my sleeping back from nocturnal.
And shes telling her boss or whatever that I'm "not co-operating" and so making it more probable my parents will go to court.

I also found out this week because of me missing all this school I'm not going to pass ANY exams. But the school have been all positive and fake to me saying things like "you're a really bright girl if we just get you back to school we can get through your exams." But then my mum let slip that they told her the only reason they're not cancelling my exams all together is because that means I wont have a reason to go to school atall, and by law I have to go.

So now I'm completely resenting school for not being upfront, and I'm sleeping all through the day again, and I'm feeling completely worthless (more than usual) and I feel like I've failed at the most basic things, and I can't see any type of future now I'll have no qualifications so no job, i'll lose touch with my friends because they're all be of to college or uni, and times running out, I only have a few terms till my exams so its too late to "knuckle down" and try and jam in as much as I can.

I can't stop thinking about "ending it all".
I just can't see another way.
But then I worry about how it'll affect people, and who might find me, and how I'll be seen as selfish, and I can't even comprehend what it'd do to my Dad.
Which stresses me out and makes me want to end this even more. I'm so sick of crying all the time and feeling this frustration and failure.

And I just want someone to run in and give me a way for this to all be alright. I am so desperate.. Just give me a reason to look at my future and not burst into tears.

I know this happened because of my own actions, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept.