I don't want to die, but I don't want to live. I've cried so much that I can't even cry anymore. I hurt so much that I don't hurt. I'd rather the crying and the hurt. I'm not letting myself believe that they're leaving today. Two of my good friends. A boy that I love, the only in my life...the only I'm attracted to that I crave to see. Don't tell me there are other fish in the sea, he's moving not breaking things between us. I stopped cutting for seven months, and have done it six or more times in five days. I've bitten my nails until they've bled and it isn't the answer. I just can't live, and I can't die...inside I'm not living, I'm dead. Ugh not sure of this post. I just need something...anything.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??